I Took a Pill in Ibiza

"Har samay dar sa laga rehta hai, 

Aur Darr ko humesha samay ka intezaar

Aahaton ki gunj mai

Kahi ek aawaz saath reh jaati hai"

Hallucinations Hallucinations Hallucinations, 

 

Now that I have attracted your attention to my post with a big fancy word, lets start a discussion on " Proton Decay, Spin Crisis and Magnetic Monopoles"

 

Just kidding.

Everytime it feels like Everytime is a word,,, everytime used in incidents to clarify their fault generalising with some mysterious everytime.(this is a copyrighted reference from the commonly known as "Voh Chaar Log Kya Kahenge)

Anyways.. Today's topic to blog on is "Something I am not sure about" because nothings left to talk about

Social Network, Done!

Rape and Molestation, Done!

Women Discrimination, Child Labour, Farmer's Suicide *no offense*, Racial Discrimination

DONE!

Everytime it happens to me. (see I did that "Everytime" again)

2.13 am

35.. what would you possibly think about..? 

42.. College's done so now what? 

45.. There have been no Good Mornings since your Vacations start, just because you woke up in the afternoons?

56.. Your friends are busy giving their 3rd or 4th IPCC attempts and you are attempting to watch FRIENDS entire seasons for the 3rd or 4th time?

2.14 am

03.. Meeting your friends from the Ex Mithibai Drama Team just to force yourself to not feel lonely?

12.. Playing on your PS4 for the 768th time the only two games that you got free with the console?

27.. Waiting for "The" trip you have been waiting for but the excitement still not syncing in?

Maybe this is the sleep talking, or maybe its a desperate attempt to pen down every procrastinating thought, trying to make the random vague stuff sound very mysteriously connected.

There is no agenda, there is no proper topic to talk on, there is no motivation to write this post. Still I am typing, still people will read is what I hope. 

This entire post is as senseless as the title. Because its been taken from a song which actually has no connection with the title of it.

Or maybe, the entire post is a brilliant piece which has an amazing connection interlinked in each alphabet of the write up. (Parrellel Universe)

#NationalTheatreExchange

Aangikam Bhuvanam *trrrrrrrrr* "guys second bell" Vyassya

Vaachikam sarva Vaangmayam

Aahaaryam chandra taaraadhi

Tvamnamah saatvikam shivam

The clenched fingers into one anothers  were slowly released, we encored Ganapati Bappa in the city of Durga.

The warmth of the prayer slowly replaced with anxious sweating of palms in that freezing AC.

*Trrrrrrrrrrrr* Third Bell had rung. 

The upper stage lit up, and the awaited performers cued into their particular roles weaving the story of the play ahead.

 

It was our 29th show, mine 1st.

I was sharing the stage with one of the finest actors of our team, I was overwhelmed to perform with him but also anxious of getting at par with his performance. The scenes flew by, but the time paused. 

When you take efforts to not let a particular thing happen, the probability of it happening increases against all the odds. 

That explains my fumble on stage. I was so disappointed with myself because I had let down the actor in me. My eyes were going blurry due to the inability of mine to perform some 5-10 lines on stage. I still watched my partner on stage, delivering his best for the 29th time. 

At that point, in the right wing, as I sat crying, I suddenly realised that Acting no longer was my hobby, it was promoted to passion. 

A disappointment in yourself for not being able to complete a task is the signal from the universe that the hobby has turned into a passion. 

When the show got over the entire crew went on stage to bow and address the audience. I was reluctant as I was ashamed of the applause which I did not even deserve in the first place. 

Of all the trips I have been to, this will always be a special one, 

as Calcutta made a Bombay boy differentiate his passion from his hobbies. 

Darkness in the Limelight

 "Andhere ka sach

 Aankhon ko chubta raha

 Ujaale ka vehem

 Aankhon ko accha lagaa

 Subah ne waqt bataaya

 Raat ne usska ehsaas"

                  did you hear it?                   now?

                     

That was the darkness. Not like the one of Hannibal Lector from the movie Silence of The Lambs, its the one with the room full of lights, but swtiched off. 

A shower in a dark bathroom, with eyes closed, and only the darkness speaking to you through the shrrrrr of the water from the shower. 

We have been great companions throughout these years. 

He had his scary way of introducing himself in my childhood, but later things in light were the ones which were most terrifying.

No colour is as elegant as the one of darkness.. (And no it isnt BLACK)

Light has always been the attention seeker with its flickering and constant need to be noticed.

Darkness never demanded any of that, as he always knew that staying subtle is whats gonna make him shine *paused for a chuckle*

Light has been pricking your eyes with its exposure, maybe thats a price you pay for the crystal clear visibility.

And Darkness has been creating a comfortable ambience with everything in shadows amd staying unknown. 

People say that Darkness encourages the evil spirits to take on the minds of people, where as on the contrary in He has been saving you from them. Think about it.

He always had so much to say in all that silence. 

Darkness has been the one keeping you safe from "darkness"

As all these thoughts were running through my mind, my dad switched the light on. "Why were you sitting in the dark?"

I just smiled as I noticed the Light grinning at the Dark shadow of my dad on the wall. 

Detoxing with Intoxication

Clink clink puff clink puff puff clink puff strumm clink puff puff puff strumm strumm stru..CLINK puff sigh smirk puff.. Gulp gulp gulp.. Whoaah.. Whooaah.. Puff gulp.. Puff gulp.. Clink gulp.. clink gulp.. clink gulp... clink gulp.. clink gulp... Dizzzy.. Whluuuooooyyyyy... Thud!

It was a fine but a lousy morning, trying to recall made me fall. I felt like I was repeating every single word do tue da intoxicatoxiincation..
Everything was moving in slo-mo.. Trying to recall made me fall. 
Everythi.. Was movin slooooMooo.. Tryin rcall made me fall...

A throbbing pain in my head and suddenly THUN! 
the hammer fell on the floor on my nail, I scried to tream!! And again the hammer fell THUN! 
by the fird and thorth time I kinda got used to the hammer.. 
A friend rame cunning to me and srew wome thwater I felt a cold shiver run up my spine.. Boosegumps made my stair hand. 
The water was dripping from my nose.. The pinnnnn'nosechio.. 
I sat ther in all my senses.. One friend was taking care of me.. 
As the others I lost them last night.. Shouldn't have drunk.. Shouldn't have got high.. 
More and more the sober I got.. 
The more and more I wished it not to happen. 
Those mispelt words, were far better than the once that made sense. 
The bitter truth was better than the sugar coated fallacies. 
The hazy picture better than a 1080p clarity. 
F.R.I.E.N.D.S better than friends.
A backstabber better than a back-bitcher.
A Dark Knight better than a false Hope.

Eyes flickered and as they opened wide I could make sense of the over-exposed light, people were visible, faces were familiar, and the slap hurt a lot more than the earlier ones.. "I am okay now" I yelled. Or was I..?

Felt sick, and healthy too.. 
Maybe the hangover wasn't really over.
Battery was dying at a thin !4 percent, I was charged but drained out as well. 
The show was over, but the audience stayed..
They hated me, but stayed cuz they loved me.
The bottles lied right by my side, empty and hopeless. 
Things made no sense, but nothing was as meaningful as this.
I rinsed, I brushed, I again rinsed, looked myself in the mirror, we weren't the same.
By lunch, I got completely sober, that seemed more dangerous than being fully drunk. I decided "I ll never drink again"he said..

And I heard a    ¡CLINK!

The ATTENTION seeker

198... 199... 199... Come on, come on just one more... I sat there transfixed to my profile picture on the screen, but it had stopped at 199. 

I am called a wannabe.. pateli.. show off.. an attention seeker... I am all of these, and at the same time I am none of these.

Popularity, fame is something everyone has a craving for; being praised for something you possess, trying to be modest, you have to agree that you have been wanting someone to compliment you.
Few get their popularity by default, others really have to work really hard to get it.. I was in the latter group.
A bimbo, a numbnut, and that time actually called as Appy (means अपंग which in english means handicapped) that was my impression through out the school life. A jackass of all trades and master of none. The nickname was disturbing, but could not really do anything about it.. I had no choice but to deal with it, first felt humiliated, but as time passed, the humiliation transformed into some weird coolness which I got accustomed to.
I was famous for my unfortunate weaknesses; those held me back from trying to overcome them. The name Appy and my jittery confidence had a symbiotic relationship... No matter how much I tried, I just could not get rid of that sick, sorry nickname.
Then one fine day, school and the reign of Appy finally ended.
After 10th Std. Board exams I had a period of 4-5 months of vacation.. that is when I went under total internal reconstruction. I made conscious efforts to change my approach and outlook in everything.
Started watching meaningful entertainment, not just for the fun but also to study character traits.

Developed a reading habit that I never considered.
Studied Chandler and Sheldon for the sarcasm and humor department.
Finally college commenced, this was a completely new world, a new stage, a new play and slate was neat and black. Now the first chalk strokes on that slate were going to decide whether it would be the introduction of the new Me or would the reign of Appy return.
And I surely did not want the latter part. This time luck favored my side.. So as I started out, my first challenge was to have a smooth normal friendly conversation with a girl, but as we all know.. unless you stumble on the path you would never learn to get up and move on.
It was painfully funny to be turned down by a totally out of my league girl. But it was fun.
Then my life introduced me to the Mithibai Drama Team. This league was altogether a whole new level.
Here, no one judged anyone on how they looked, how you talk, how you present yourself, you are nurtured here, the ones who joined this team instantly become a part if the family.
They molded this deformed clay into an impressive vessel. Five years now, I have still been a part of the family.
The popularity and fame that I had wished for so long, was finally coming to me, and this time the reasons were me overcoming those unfortunate weaknesses.
The attention I seek is not to show off, but it is the justice that I try to give to that Appy who deserved a lot better than what he got during school.
If I demand for fame I do it because I know I earned it.

Apparently, Appy is happily staring at the screen that displays 199 likes, whereas Shaunak is eagerly waiting for the 200th like

MOVING OUT, TEACHES MOVING ON

12 years have passed by, but even today I go into retrospect of being a 2^nd grader, whenever I go there. ‘Garden Estate’, my former home. A complex of roughly 13-15 buildings, somewhere in Thane. There were three magnificent gardens. There were swings with whom I had a connection. The air in that complex had the aroma of my childhood in it. That was home, still is. Today when I go to that place just to visit and meet old friends and family, a mixed feeling of happiness, of being there and feeling of grief, of not being there.

That place has an aura of being attached. After four years of living there, my family and I shifted back to Mumbai. I was intentionally kept unknown of the fact of us moving out, because it would have broken me down. Eventually it did. I cried my eyes out after made acquainted to the fact that we no longer would be staying at Garden Estate. That was the first big blow I had received in my life that took a very long time to digest.

I somehow tried getting accustomed to the new life. I made a new friend in the building, he reminded me of my friends at Garden Estate; but fate wasn't done with me yet, this time he shifted from the Mumbai to Dehradun. I was just almost getting out of one trauma, when life threw another one right in my face. I still gathered some hope and made friends in 5^th grade, hoping they wouldn't leave me out of the blue. Fortunately, they didn't.

I shifted another couple of times but never felt the same as I had felt when I shifted from Garden Estate. Shifting from one house to another house, was actually moving out of a home to an unknown place that you would have to start getting used to call it your new home. This moving out taught me to handle the most difficult situations in life, to let go of people, things, situations. This behaviour of mine was misunderstood by my friends, who called me unemotional, stone-hearted, detached and impassive, but I sure as hell am not wholly responsible for that behaviour.  

Being a 'Sexist' does not make you SEXY.

The advertisement we see on the television these days, #VogueEmpower, starring Madhuri Dixit a short film by Vinil Matthew. A brilliant ad about female sexism. We watch these ads exchange looks with each other appreciate the message being portrayed and then are back on track with the ridiculing of the female mannerisms.

A lady driver, is always mocked for her driving no matter how good she is. One small mistake cannot be spared for these female drivers. Men have the freedom to drive the way they want but women are just never spared. 

Girls are emotional about things because they have a deeper connect with particular things. But this emotional maturity is deliberately misunderstood to be their weakness which is made fun of and now being used as a phrase.

What astonishes me seems to be the fact that the female themselves use the phrase in order to set an example for the male class. For instance,

When a boy crys for some reason, to make him stop his mother asks, "are you a girl? Then why are you crying?". When the mother, who was a girl once, accepts the fact that the female is weaker than the male. Then and there, she is proving the men right, about them(men) being superior to women.

Another thing noticed, is that people who are sexists, rather than realising their flaw, they are proud of being one. Even I m a sexist, or rather I was. I had promised to not pass any ill sexist comment about women, because if you want to change the mentality, start with yourself. 

I was glad I had come up with this decision, until today. 

I was out with my family. While getting back in the car unknowingly my younger brother closed the door without force and the door wasn't properly shut. The very next moment I automatically commented ,"are you a girl? You can't even close a car door properly?"