The ATTENTION seeker

198... 199... 199... Come on, come on just one more... I sat there transfixed to my profile picture on the screen, but it had stopped at 199. 

I am called a wannabe.. pateli.. show off.. an attention seeker... I am all of these, and at the same time I am none of these.

Popularity, fame is something everyone has a craving for; being praised for something you possess, trying to be modest, you have to agree that you have been wanting someone to compliment you.
Few get their popularity by default, others really have to work really hard to get it.. I was in the latter group.
A bimbo, a numbnut, and that time actually called as Appy (means अपंग which in english means handicapped) that was my impression through out the school life. A jackass of all trades and master of none. The nickname was disturbing, but could not really do anything about it.. I had no choice but to deal with it, first felt humiliated, but as time passed, the humiliation transformed into some weird coolness which I got accustomed to.
I was famous for my unfortunate weaknesses; those held me back from trying to overcome them. The name Appy and my jittery confidence had a symbiotic relationship... No matter how much I tried, I just could not get rid of that sick, sorry nickname.
Then one fine day, school and the reign of Appy finally ended.
After 10th Std. Board exams I had a period of 4-5 months of vacation.. that is when I went under total internal reconstruction. I made conscious efforts to change my approach and outlook in everything.
Started watching meaningful entertainment, not just for the fun but also to study character traits.

Developed a reading habit that I never considered.
Studied Chandler and Sheldon for the sarcasm and humor department.
Finally college commenced, this was a completely new world, a new stage, a new play and slate was neat and black. Now the first chalk strokes on that slate were going to decide whether it would be the introduction of the new Me or would the reign of Appy return.
And I surely did not want the latter part. This time luck favored my side.. So as I started out, my first challenge was to have a smooth normal friendly conversation with a girl, but as we all know.. unless you stumble on the path you would never learn to get up and move on.
It was painfully funny to be turned down by a totally out of my league girl. But it was fun.
Then my life introduced me to the Mithibai Drama Team. This league was altogether a whole new level.
Here, no one judged anyone on how they looked, how you talk, how you present yourself, you are nurtured here, the ones who joined this team instantly become a part if the family.
They molded this deformed clay into an impressive vessel. Five years now, I have still been a part of the family.
The popularity and fame that I had wished for so long, was finally coming to me, and this time the reasons were me overcoming those unfortunate weaknesses.
The attention I seek is not to show off, but it is the justice that I try to give to that Appy who deserved a lot better than what he got during school.
If I demand for fame I do it because I know I earned it.

Apparently, Appy is happily staring at the screen that displays 199 likes, whereas Shaunak is eagerly waiting for the 200th like

MOVING OUT, TEACHES MOVING ON

12 years have passed by, but even today I go into retrospect of being a 2^nd grader, whenever I go there. ‘Garden Estate’, my former home. A complex of roughly 13-15 buildings, somewhere in Thane. There were three magnificent gardens. There were swings with whom I had a connection. The air in that complex had the aroma of my childhood in it. That was home, still is. Today when I go to that place just to visit and meet old friends and family, a mixed feeling of happiness, of being there and feeling of grief, of not being there.

That place has an aura of being attached. After four years of living there, my family and I shifted back to Mumbai. I was intentionally kept unknown of the fact of us moving out, because it would have broken me down. Eventually it did. I cried my eyes out after made acquainted to the fact that we no longer would be staying at Garden Estate. That was the first big blow I had received in my life that took a very long time to digest.

I somehow tried getting accustomed to the new life. I made a new friend in the building, he reminded me of my friends at Garden Estate; but fate wasn't done with me yet, this time he shifted from the Mumbai to Dehradun. I was just almost getting out of one trauma, when life threw another one right in my face. I still gathered some hope and made friends in 5^th grade, hoping they wouldn't leave me out of the blue. Fortunately, they didn't.

I shifted another couple of times but never felt the same as I had felt when I shifted from Garden Estate. Shifting from one house to another house, was actually moving out of a home to an unknown place that you would have to start getting used to call it your new home. This moving out taught me to handle the most difficult situations in life, to let go of people, things, situations. This behaviour of mine was misunderstood by my friends, who called me unemotional, stone-hearted, detached and impassive, but I sure as hell am not wholly responsible for that behaviour.  

Being a 'Sexist' does not make you SEXY.

The advertisement we see on the television these days, #VogueEmpower, starring Madhuri Dixit a short film by Vinil Matthew. A brilliant ad about female sexism. We watch these ads exchange looks with each other appreciate the message being portrayed and then are back on track with the ridiculing of the female mannerisms.

A lady driver, is always mocked for her driving no matter how good she is. One small mistake cannot be spared for these female drivers. Men have the freedom to drive the way they want but women are just never spared. 

Girls are emotional about things because they have a deeper connect with particular things. But this emotional maturity is deliberately misunderstood to be their weakness which is made fun of and now being used as a phrase.

What astonishes me seems to be the fact that the female themselves use the phrase in order to set an example for the male class. For instance,

When a boy crys for some reason, to make him stop his mother asks, "are you a girl? Then why are you crying?". When the mother, who was a girl once, accepts the fact that the female is weaker than the male. Then and there, she is proving the men right, about them(men) being superior to women.

Another thing noticed, is that people who are sexists, rather than realising their flaw, they are proud of being one. Even I m a sexist, or rather I was. I had promised to not pass any ill sexist comment about women, because if you want to change the mentality, start with yourself. 

I was glad I had come up with this decision, until today. 

I was out with my family. While getting back in the car unknowingly my younger brother closed the door without force and the door wasn't properly shut. The very next moment I automatically commented ,"are you a girl? You can't even close a car door properly?"